Yours truly as a poor monkey

By AM

To begin with let me state that yours truly by all means, is not a racist
neither an African bigot nor a rich fish (Fisadi) or a poor monkey. Yet,
usually, he does not accept free gifts offered by George Bushians and Gordon
Brownians.

For your information, a rich fish can be translated into many things like
‘fisadi,’ RICHmond, E.P.A Rich, collapsed Bongo Banks INC, or what have you.
The choice is yours.

The two GB guys though they pretend to be God save poor Africa, middle east
nations and some former Soviet republics, they have been unable to save
their countries from economic down tide. I hear, the first GB’s economics
of God save Iraq, war on terror have left his “A” nation not a safer place
but going Kosovo. Anyway, that is a story for another day.

The innocent drink offered at the pub, by the Bushians and Brownians, come
with hidden costs and conditions, and you can always see it from their eyes.
Truly, truly I tell you, the drink is mostly offered as derision or in the
name of save everlasting poor African. Call this stereotype; I will not
close my eyelids.

You see, the western folks, when coming to Africa they have a mentality that
Africans are beggars from the church to statehouse. And our former
colonizers and their western allies are our savior, from our self imposed
doom, destruction and killing poverty.

No wonder whenever you go out with a Bushian or Brownian, he always offers
to foot all the bills. (I make sure before the GB dude realizes what is
happening, I have cleared all the bills- but I don’t take the fellow to
Sheraton but to Holiday OUT. If one insist on going to five star hotel,
suddenly my stomach begins aching and I head back home to my bitter half’s
nest).

Anything I am not paying for, I would rather get it from my own brothers
than my western friends. If my people don’t have it, then I can away do
without it. I’d rather take a glass of water, juice or a morsel of bread
from my African brethrens as more often than not, the gift is always pure
hospitality, all the way from the deep seas of their hearts.

I could be a goat headed moron for forsaking the law of the hyena that
state “Thou shall not leave anything available” when we come to dealing with
the GBs . I have my reasons, whether they are plausible or not, who cares?

In Arusha I met the other day this lady from land of the GB, whose country
is also GB (Ever heard of Great Britain?). We had been FaceBook friends for
a year or so and this was our first real life encounter. When I offered her
lunch and paid for it, she looked amazed.

“Buddy, are you a USD millionaire? I have been here for months and no
single local soul has offered to buy me even a soda. They just tell me about
their problems and how sweet it would be for me to assist,” she said.

Yes. Yes. I know more often than not, when Africans are in the company of
men and women from the land of the two GBs, my brethrens always think now
here economic salvation has come. When I took my lady to Mama Tumaini, she
was so excited. She treated the white lady so nicely until I became worried
wondering what she was up to.

You know, Mama Tumaini hates to see me in the company of other women. Her
jealousy runs higher than the highest peak of Mt Kilimanjaro and bitter than
Gongo, the traditional brew. She convinced the lady to stop wasting her
money in the hotel and move to her house.

Later on, she told me to make sure that woman falls in love with me. “For
what?” I asked. “If you treat her nice, show her we are not greedy people,
she will fall in love with you. When she takes you to the land of GB, we
shall all follow you there, don’t you see the logic?” she said, out of
breath.

I could not believe my ears. When I told Mama Tumaini I was not interested
in going to the land of GB, she called me a foolish monkey, a sick rat, a
brainless donkey and a sterile cow.

“Here, right here, you have an opening, she is here…. I can see the way she
is eyeing you…. Love is love whether you are black or white… I can see she
is in love with you. You are a moron, if you let the chance slip by, I will
hate you forever.” She was ranting and sweating.

I could not buy her song. But kindly don’t blame her for swallowing the
lie, the stereotype, that our salvation lies with the west. She is still my
platonic soul mate, though my bitterhalf calls it a façade and ufisadi wa
mapenzi (corrupted love).

end


Today & always do what you can to make the world a better place

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